Narrator: This is Pearl! She’s late for… well… everything.
Pearl: Hey!! No need to rub it in!
Narrator: Ohh, don’t get so defensive!
We’re here to help you after all!
Pearl: Wait, who even are you? Are you in my head?!
Narrator: Don’t overthink it-
Pearl: Oh god the voices are getting louder!!
Narrator: I SAID DON’T OVERTHINK IT!!!
Pearl: Okay!! Shit!!
Narrator: *Ehem*… As I was SAYING. I know a way for you to make it on time!
Pearl: You do? How?
Narrator: You know those signs? Those traffic signals and laws you always abide by so well?
Pearl: Yeah.
Narrator: Ignore ‘em.
Pearl: WHAT?
Narrator: Ignore ‘em. Just, don’t follow them. Those pretty signs are designed to make you, specifically you, fail. All that matters in this world is making it on time! In fact, make it there early! Blow past those stop signs! Catapult yourself over those speed bumps!
Pearl: Bro I’m going to go to jail if I do that! Then my boss will definitely fire me!
Narrator: No, no you’re right. How rash of me. We need to make it plausible that you made an honest mistake! They’ll take mercy on you!
Pearl: That’s not what I-
Narrator: Driving on the wrong side of the road? Tell ‘em you’re European! You’re from France now! En France, on roule à droite! (In France, we drive on the right side!)
Pearl: HOW DO YOU KNOW FRENCH??
Narrator: *Completely ignores her* Stop sign? What the fuck is a Stop sign? *thick french accent* In FRANCE we do not have the Stop sign! In FRANCE we only know arrêt!
Pearl: In France we also have red octogons!!
Narrator: Oooh! A colorblind French person!
Pearl: STOP!!
Narrator: IT’S ARRET!!
Pearl: *GROANS* OKAY!! I’ll take your stupid advice, just this once! But if we get in trouble I’m pinning this all on you!
Pearl: I’m gonna be late for work! Ugh, my boss is gonna kill me! (She Pauses) You know what? Screw it.
-shows Pearl cutting some kind of corner. A LOT of honking coming from the other drivers.-
Pearl: There, that should save me some time. Hopefully they don’t mind too much…
Officer Sprinkle: *Pulling up to pearl* HEY!!! WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING YOUNG LADY???
Pearl: I’m sorry but I’m gonna be late for work! You have to let me go!
Officer Sprinkle: SORRY’S NOT GONNA CUT IT MISSY!!! SHOW ME YOUR LICENSE AND REGISTRATION!
Pearl: If you let me go I’ll buy you Halo Donuts!
Officer Sprinkle: Hmm…. Tempting, BUT NO! SHOW THEM TO ME NOOOOOW!!
Narrator: Psst! Remember what we talked about!
Pearl: *clears throat* *Thick french accent* Hon Hon! In FRANCE we do this all the time!
Officer Sprinkle: …
Narrator: Really? That’s the best you could think of?
Pearl: *To narrator* I haven’t renewed my license since 2019, I don’t have time to think! *slowly driving away, her sprite slowly slides off screen*
Officer Sprinkle: HEY!!! GET BACK HERE!!!
Officer Sprinkle: HEY!!! GET BACK HERE!!!
Pearl: I CAN’T!! I HAVE JURY DUTY!
Officer Sprinkle: YOU’RE GONNA BE THE ONE NEEDING A JURY IN A MINUTE!!!